I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
