Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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