I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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