I wanna passion pit in your ass
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
