The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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