You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My vagina just recognized that song.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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