i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
