There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
