i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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