even my farts smell like vagina
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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