before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.