The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's