he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
