last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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