My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD