wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line