Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?