I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
