Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
