they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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