I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
