Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
