Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
