"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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