If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
