I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
