Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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