apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
