Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.