Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

  (301): View more from Maryland

  1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

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  (240): so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend (301): 1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps http://tfl.nu/019j
  Replies (29) Good night (3798) Bad night (788)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life

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  (614): That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life http://tfl.nu/6e7y
  Replies (93) Good night (2048) Bad night (2129)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.

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  (630): but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/k5cc
  Replies (17) Good night (516) Bad night (4779)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.

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  (630): just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in. http://tfl.nu/9xed
  Replies (43) Good night (1112) Bad night (8148)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

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  (630): i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together http://tfl.nu/1hrq
  Replies (36) Good night (6054) Bad night (1693)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...

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  (717): and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived... http://tfl.nu/vut2
  Replies (11) Good night (2203) Bad night (3804)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo

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  (208): The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo http://tfl.nu/5szi
  Replies (8) Good night (3488) Bad night (623)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"

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  (+27): Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" http://tfl.nu/eeqt
  Replies (15) Good night (4029) Bad night (824)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution

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  (713): It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution http://tfl.nu/g3ws
  Replies (8) Good night (871) Bad night (759)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

  (1-716): View more from New York

  Eh. They balance each other out

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  (716): I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day (1-716): Eh. They balance each other out http://tfl.nu/9dcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1014) Bad night (481)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.

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  (647): That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night. http://tfl.nu/q0pz
  Replies (2) Good night (1066) Bad night (484)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.

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  (941): She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night. http://tfl.nu/a6ju
  Replies (13) Good night (616) Bad night (846)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...

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  (208): At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog... http://tfl.nu/j2fw
  Replies (4) Good night (280) Bad night (719)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.

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  (360): Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void. http://tfl.nu/6brj
  Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (453)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.

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  (970): I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through. http://tfl.nu/usec
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (270)

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