Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (628) Bad night (1586)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face

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  (619): dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face http://tfl.nu/4ulx
  Replies (24) Good night (824) Bad night (2466)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?

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  (210): Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat? http://tfl.nu/57e1
  Replies (25) Good night (3058) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Nipple clamps can be ambiguous

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  (651): Nipple clamps can be ambiguous http://tfl.nu/3muz
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (1353)
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  (760): View more from California

  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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  (760): i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel. http://tfl.nu/n5cq
  Replies (177) Good night (5177) Bad night (5012)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

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  (516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q
  Replies (14) Good night (5923) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old

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  (410): I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old http://tfl.nu/pmig
  Replies (9) Good night (2255) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.

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  (813): For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club. http://tfl.nu/n6ph
  Replies (18) Good night (679) Bad night (1584)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.

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  (614): Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/3dw9
  Replies (22) Good night (1909) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin

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  (209): we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin http://tfl.nu/oa4p
  Replies (1) Good night (1009) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away

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  (585): Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away http://tfl.nu/gctj
  Replies (18) Good night (1727) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.

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  (510): I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it. http://tfl.nu/j8q4
  Replies (1) Good night (1042) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it

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  (413): You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it http://tfl.nu/hn11
  Replies (6) Good night (1172) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.

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  (817): I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/tfur
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.

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  (315): Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer. http://tfl.nu/5ks9
  Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (267)

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