First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.