Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...