I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.