just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.