i barfeds in our rink
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
