Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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