last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
