Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
