During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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