Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
