at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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