I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
