I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
