the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
