oh god the rape fog is back!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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