I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
