I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
