Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
