i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
