I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
