Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
