i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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