Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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