Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
