So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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