I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
