what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
