She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
