I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
