saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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