Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
