i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
