My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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