when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
