yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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