glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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