check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
