i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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