Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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