bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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