even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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