i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
