dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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