The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
