I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
