I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
