I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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