and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she peed on how many people?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
