I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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