Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
