Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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