We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
