I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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