I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
