Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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