Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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