u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize