He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
