Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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