I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
