the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
